When the newest bottle comes in the mail, my excitement goes through the roof. These tiny, dark bottles filled with exotic oils derived from Mother Nature’s bounty thrill me to no end. It matters not that my wet coonhound’s scent is more pleasant than many of their fragrances. As I bubble with excitement when a new jar of oil arrives, my family retreats in horror. They have experienced too many openings of these earthy oils and have been unwillingly swept into the realm of nature’s tang that no one in their right mind would willingly smell…except me.
Essential oils are my jam and I know just enough about them to be completely dangerous! These little bottles of oil are filled with Mother Nature’s healing properties used over centuries, long before the ER was a quick car trip away. But more than the healing, I love their magical and spiritual uses. Healers and shamans have used nature for years to medicate, to soothe, and to send people on spiritual journeys. Now sure, those shamans weren’t using a little organic bottle of peyote that they bought off of Amazon (which I would probably totally buy if it was available–its not, and I know that because just for fun I went and checked), but my essential oils are as close as I am going to get to the ways of the old.
The problem with essential oils is that most of them reek, and not like a somewhat unpleasant aroma, but generally a turn-your-stomach, can’t-get-that-smell-out-of-your- nostrils type of reek. But if you can get past that, there is so much you can do with essential oils (unless you are pregnant, a child, a senior citizen, taking a medication, have a liver condition, or under the care of a doctor, in which case, stop reading this blog post immediately…you are just going to have to meditate to your start on your own spiritual odyssey or go to the drugstore for an OTC med).
First, lets talk about some good oils to use if you are hurt and there has been like an earthquake, and you can’t get to a store or the doctor (P.S. I do have doomsday bookcase–not doomsday books, just regular books saved for a major emergency–and you are welcome to come to my house to borrow a book to alleviate the boredom of having no phones or televisions).
So, if you are hurt, many essential oils have antiseptic properties. Myrrh is a great oil for this, just clean the wound and then apply the Myrrh. Now fun fact, Myrrh smells ridiculously bad, and I think it was really sucky of the Wise Men to offer it to Mary and Joseph as a gift because of that. They couldn’t have stopped at the 7-Eleven and bought a bundle of flowers? Anyway, back to you, the person who was just hurt in the tornado or whatever it was. If you want to help your wounds heal and you don’t feel like having sex that night, Myrrh is the way to go. Your wound will heal nicely and your spouse will not come near you with the way you smell.
An even better oil to use would be Tea Tree Oil. It is going to help you heal and it is going to ward off of any nasty infections. Now Tea Tree Oil isn’t exactly a rose garden either in the scent arena, but it isn’t a loaded diaper of smell either. Now I have heard rumors that it can also be used on head lice (dude, if you have just made it through a tornado or an earthquake and you have head lice, well your life is just sad…), but if a natural disaster has not occurred and I have head lice, I’m headed to the drug store and get the chemical shit. There are certain situations in life where you just use the chemicals instead of trying to be natural–bugs crawling all over your head is one of these times.
If you don’t want to smell terrible while healing, you can always use Lavender. Lavender is basically one of the superheros of the essential oil world. Lavender is a disinfectant, anti-inflammatory, pain reliever, reduces anxiety, helps you sleep and might even help with PMS (again, you are so unlucky if you are on your period when this doomsday thing hits, I’m so sorry). Now if you do want to get lucky with your spouse, Lavender is going to be the way to go. Unless they are really into Italian food, then you might want to use the Rosemary essential oil instead.
Okay, so now we are back in the world where there haven’t been any natural disasters or doomsday things happen, but lets say you just want to get more spiritual and connect to your spirit guide…or God, or nature, or a wood fairy, or whatever, listen, I don’t judge. If you want to get a bit mystical and add some mood enhancing notes to your meditating space, then drop a few dashes of Mugwort to the water in your diffuser (please note, this is one of the all-time worst smelling essential oils, but it is well known for its mystical abilities). Frankincense is another good oil for this (again, those Wise Men were so off-base bringing this smelly stuff to Mary and Joseph, I’m fairly sure that after they left Mary and Joseph put the Frankincense and Myrrh out the back door of the manger because all the animals were complaining). Jasmine or Sandalwood will accomplish the same thing with pleasanter smells.
If you want prophetic dreams, use Clary Sage or Peppermint. Feel like you watched too many scary paranormal reality shows? Put some Lime or Lavender in your diffuser. Rose is fabulous for this too, but just use the smallest drop or you will feel like you were buried in a rose garden, and not in a good way. Want to increase the love? Use some Rosemary or Cinnamon, maybe a little Ylang Ylang or Orange. Need a little joy? A splash of grapefruit is the way to go. Could your life use a little peace and calm? Breath in the scent of Cedarwood, Cypress or Lavender. Is your pocketbook a little lighter than you would like? Put a drop or two of Chamomile or Cinnamon on your money. If you can stand it, Patchouli is a great money draw oil.
Hopefully you can now see why I’m crazy about oils. There are so many of them and they have so many uses benefits. Now if you will excuse me, I’m getting ready to open my newest bottle and find out what kind of aroma is about to torture my family….